Bubbles
by SoporificCapsule
Summary: Re-listed and compiled. Contains a small 4-part series inspired by my bubble screensaver. Bella Jasper and Peter Charlotte. Strangeness, quirkiness, revenge and stupidity ensue... O/S... sort of.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi everyone. I am re-publishing this story after removing it some time ago. If you offend easy, please don not read the story at all. For those of you that continue on with my strange adventure, then I thank you and I would appreciate reviews. Thank you.

Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight, but she was nice enough to allow us fans to play with her characters… and play I did. So thank you SM.

**PART 1: BUBBLES**

I inhaled deeply and held it in while I pulled the cheap piece of plastic from the bottle. I blew my breath out slowly, before I even got the soapy ring lined up to where I want it. A small drop of the soapy water dripped on my standard issue blue shirt. Maybe I should be standing up for this. No, not even spilling the whole bottle of bubbles over myself is incentive enough get me up off the soft grass.

About twenty small bubbles were gently falling around me, one by one popping as they hit the grass. I repeated the process, intending to do so until the bottle was empty. Two joined bubbled caught my attention, they were falling at a much faster rate than all of the others. The concept of being joined to something can bring the end faster, was not lost on me. I dipped the ring-on-a-stick in the soap again, and raised it up for a third round.

Painfully, it was kicked out of my hand. After getting over my shock, her maniacal laughing reached my ears. I tilted my head to the right slightly, so I could look at her without straining my eyeballs. She was new here, I have never seen her before. She has a unique tan. I would've remembered her if I had ever seen her before. She stopped her laughing once she found my gaze on her and started talking. Her words came out fast and presumably fluent, but to me it was like she was speaking in tongues. Her talking-in-tongues continued for a little bit, but she was getting frustrated. I could tell by her body language, that she was ready to pounce on me and beat the crap out of me. Well… try to anyway.

Thankfully, I'm not the only one to notice. The giant man in white tackled her to the ground and tried to subdue her. She wasn't making it easy on him, her flailing, kicking and biting would've made a lesser man give up.

It didn't take long, but he got her pinned on her stomach while restraining her hands behind her back. She was facing my way, and the look on her tanned face was menacing. I looked away from her face to her hands, I don't want this psycho trying to tear into me before it's even my turn. The guards grip was pretty stable, he also managed to get her hair wrapped in his grip too. That should limit her movements. I looked back at her face and wondered what she was here for. The guard gave me a sidelong glance, probably just to make sure I'll behave. I will. I looked back at her face and she was still jabbering on in her tongue. Everyone here seems to speak different, and perhaps they expect me to conform… but I won't, perhaps it is them who should bend for me.

Two guards joined the one on the angry lady and grabbed an arm each while the guard on top of her kept hold of her yanked her up and she faced me to scream some more. A glint of silver caught my eye, it was a thick necklace with writing that sat in the hollow of her throat. _Maria_. That must be her name. Or she killed someone and stole the jewellery off their rotting corpse. Both are feasible. They were gone in the blink of an eye. I looked to my left to find my bubble blower, luckily, it was within reach.

I blew the last of my bubbles sadly, and they were now all gone. It is the guards who provide me with my amusement, so I had to go to one of them for more.

I approached a new one, I'd never seen him before and he was talking to another guard. I quickly scanned the second guards appearance and noted he was also new. The first was very handsome, sporting a mop of shaggy, honey-blonde hair, pretty standard red eyes and scars littered his body. The second has shorter brown shaggy hair, also littered with scars, but not as many.

I held the small container up for him to understand what i want. Both men were a bit stunned, I'm not sure what about though. I schooled my features to appear bored, but I was getting a bit frustrated. I want my damn bubbles, and these assholes are just staring. I waved the bottle in their faces a made a shooing motion with my hand.

They still stared.

I'm starting to think that they stole the white uniforms, when they should be actually wearing blue like me. The blonde one started talking to me, but again with the foreign tongue. Wait, I think he said _Maria_. That was the weird lady that attacked me. I pointed toward the isolation cells, and they seemed to understand. They started toward where I pointed to, but I want my bubbles damn it. A small growl bubbled up from my throat. This seemed to get their attention. I waved my empty bottle of bubbles again, but this time, they both nodded once in sync, then took off toward the main building.

One mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi, four. They came back. The blonde gave me my bubbles, while the brown-headed man started to build a teepee of wood. I walked backwards three and a half steps and sat on my bum. I want to know what these guards are up to. They are the only ones out here watching us, and I've never seen this type of behaviour from a guard before.

I opened my lid and start blowing bubbles in front of me again. They are so pretty. I like how the rainbows are moving on the surface of the bubble. They all popped and I blow out another lot. I focused on a group of three bubbles that joined and plummeted too quickly for my liking.

A banshee scream disturbs me from my bubbles, so I look up to find the two men dragging Maria over to the pile of wood. I cocked my head to the side, trying to understand what's going on. I obviously _know_ whats going on, but I don't know _why_ they're doing it. The brown-hair man. Thats too long to address him by, think I will call him Nag 2 and the blonde Nag 1. That stands for not-a-guard. So Nag 2 has gotten behind Maria and has forced her to her knees. Nag 1 is laughing and talking to her.

Definitely not guards.

The talking seems to be going on for a while, so I start blowing bubbles again. I managed to get the bubbles lined up perfectly, so it appeared that the Nag's and Maria was all trapped inside my bubbles. A small laugh escaped my lips at the thought. All three look over to me in bewilderment, well, only for a second. Maria started screaming at me and the Nags were quirking the sides of their mouths up in humour. I know what I'm laughing at, don't know what they're humoured about though.

I ignored them and went back to my bubbles, and they went back to their talking, but it was starting to get annoying. I looked over to them, to find the fire lit. But they are still taking to long, so I huffed a bit. This got their attention. I raised my left arm and tapped the top of my watch with my right hand three times. They understood, but didn't care. Maria screamed and launched her self at me. I didn't need to react, because the Nags had her dismembered in a quarter of a second flat. Nag 2 picked up Maria's head, whispering in her ear while Nag 1 started to slowly pick apart her limbs and flick the bits into the now-lit fire.

At least she wasn't screaming anymore.

I watched the show for a further eleven minutes, when they wrapped things up. They finally toss her head in the pyre and I couldn't help myself, but I started clapping. Nag 1 starts yelling something toward the fence-line, for some reason.

A dark-haired, dark-skinned, wild-looking woman clears the fence line. My clapping has started to slow, but I don't feel like stopping yet. They address her as Zafrina, I think. She nods her head toward me once, then gabbers on in their strange language.

I decided that the show was over, so I stopped clapping and lowered my back down on the grass. This batch of bubbles is much better than my last lot. I can get about thirty bubbles per blow this time. They start their descent down, to their demise once again. The sun reflecting my skin onto their rainbow surface has me enraptured.

Then some asshole goes and blocks my sun.

I look toward my feet to find Nag 1 slouched down, offering me his hand while nodding his head toward the fence line. I take it and he helps me up. I don't mind going with him, I only had four days left until it was my turn. The old guards held their fingers up for me. I know death would've been my destiny, it's everyone's destiny here. A least with the Nag's, I can have more years with my bubbles.


	2. Chapter 2

**PART II: WE CALLED DIBS FIRST**

"Okay, so let me get this straight. The silly bitch tried to make an army of over a _hundred_ newborns, and they all went bat-shit crazy out of control and exposed themselves?" Peter's voice crackled from the speaker.

With a small sigh, "Yep." The line was silent momentarily.

"The Volturi have her, don't they?"

"Yes, they do. All our plans are null and void. We can't get to her in the South." I replied. I was going to ask this favour of him, but hearing his voice now, I'm definitely re-thinking my idea. The last thing I want to do is put him in any sort of harms way. There is also Charlotte to think of in this as well.

"I'm in." Came through the phone. "We just need Zafrina to help. Her and your gift combined, well, it will be a cake walk. Only thing is, she will want to borrow you for three days for payment. Don't worry though, it's nothing weird you'll have to do. She's just having some troubles."

That weird bastard has known the whole time. "So, you were letting me feel guilty about the whole thing?"

"Yeah, gotta get my shits and giggles somehow."

"Freak," I murmured. "What is Char gonna do while we're gone?" Char doesn't have any friends, so I'm a little worried about leaving her alone.

Her reply came echoing through my mobile phone. "We've just bought a lot of land. I'm going to be re-doing the houses on site. Any preference to how you want yours?"

My negative response started to bubble up when Pete interrupted. "You can't isolate yourself forever you know, this will be good for you."

Well, I'll give it two years, but after that I'm gone. "Hmmm…" That's all the verbal agreement he was getting from me.

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

"Are you sure this will work?" I was very skeptical with Pete's plan, if _anything _went pear-shaped, it could very well mean our death. Normally, it would be me that is the brains behind our operations, but apparently Pete has ironed out all of the details himself. Fool-proof, he called it.

"Would you stop worrying, all we're doing is taking their glory from them, we're not actually committing any crimes. Alec will be blamed for the first seven minutes afterward anyway. Plenty of time to get away. Besides, even if it was against the law, it's _their_ law. How is it in anyway _my_ fault that they're that self-entitled, that they appoint _themselves_ kings. I mean… _who does that?_ Shouldn't there be some sort of election?"

The silly bastard was getting way off topic now, he always does when he works himself up. "Peter!" If I don't stop him now, he'll never shut up.

"What?"

"Shut up. I'm already aware of your point of view regarding of our ruling family. Zafrina's here now. " Since Zafrina lives in the Amazon, we decided to meet up at a Hotel around the corner from Rome airport. I walked over to the door and unlocked it for her. I know she needs my help with some trouble, but I'm hoping Pete and Char will give me a hand. They're more than qualified, and what we're about to do is as much for them as it is for me. In my peripheral, Pete gave me a nod. God he's weird. His gift puzzles me at times, there is no way he knew what I was thinking. I faced him full-on and raised my left eyebrow in question.

"What?" He asks, with a giant smirk on his smart-assed face.

I just folded my arms across my chest and waited.

"Okay, okay." Holding his hands up, palms outward. "I have no idea what I just agreed to, just that I was supposed to."

I couldn't help but laugh at the poor bastard. He doesn't even know what his gift made him agree to. Oh the possibilities. Zafrina chose this moment to enter the room. I approached her, and gave her a hug.

"Long time no see stranger." I gave her an extra squeeze and let her go.

"Like wise." She approached Pete and gave him a hug. "Are you well?" She asked him.

"Very well thanks. How bout you?"

"Fine, fine. Well, will be once the mess back home gets sorted."

"We will help in any way that we can." I butted in, also revealing what Pete got himself into.

"And, I appreciate it greatly. Now, how am I able to help the both of you?"

We had two hours until sunrise, then an additional three to wait. We wanted to get there when their day was in the full swing of things. We didn't want to go to all this trouble, only to show up with Maria locked up in an inaccessible cell. So for the next five hours, we will have to fill Zafrina in on all the details and iron out any wrinkles.

We were two miles outside of the Volturi castle and we just finished buttoning up our crisp white standard-issue guard uniforms. I will never understand the Volturi. I looked to Pete and Zafrina, in sync, we all nodded our heads. We set off toward the castle. The ten foot-high fence that surrounded the entire east side of the compound looked very imposing. Of course it is a cake walk for a vampire, I'm sure that extra half-seconds worth of effort works well enough to catch a vampire trying to escape the compound though.

"Okay guys, on the count of three. One, two, three." Toward the entire castle compound, I threw out complete calm and serenity. Zafrina's job is to blind everyone with complete darkness. Feelings of their confusion started to seep into their emotions, so I upped the ante.

Step one complete.

Zafrina hasn't ever had any dealings with Maria, so she opted out of the rest of our expedition. She will remain out of the fence line. Pete and I cleared the fence line and assessed the grounds. There weren't any guards out here, we must have caught them when they were doing something like a switch over.

"So, this is what death row looks like Jas. Green, landscaped gardens to frolic around in. I'm actually a little jealous of the poor bastards."

I just gave him a bewildered look.

Then the weirdest thing happened.

A tiny, little brunette walked right up to us. I'm totally stunned. She should be immobile like the rest of the vampires here. She looked fairly bored, but she was holding an empty bottle of bubbles up. When we didn't respond to her, she started waving it in our faces and shooing us away with her other hand.

What the fuck?

All I could do is stare at her. She was very pretty, all vampires are, but she had an inner beauty that shone through to the outside, despite the fact that my gift can't get a read on her, I know it to be true. I decided to ask her about Maria, that way I won't have to track her. Her scent is all over the place here, and the quicker I find her, the quicker we can get out of here. This place is giving me the heebie jeebies.

"We're looking for Maria. Where is she?"

She paused for a second, then pointed to a bunch of small-looking cells. She must be in there.

We started toward them, but the little lady started growling at us, she was waving her damn bubbles again. Pete and I shared a quick glance, then nodded in affirmation. We definitely didn't want any trouble. If getting her bubbles would keep her quiet, then we'll find her some bubbles.

We started toward the building, they would probably keep them with the rest of their supplies.

"So… " Pete started. Facing him, I waited for him to finish. "What do you think she's here for?"

I gave him a look of astonishment. "Are you serious?"

He simply nodded sombrely, deep in thought. Yep. He's serious.

"Dude. She has a _very_ powerful gift and I think she's a couple cans short, if you know what I mean." Furrowing his brow, he shook his head. Giving him a look of astonishment, "she's not all there. The Volturi obviously find it unacceptable to have a very talented, but very _unusual_ vampire running around."

"Ohhh…" and, he finally get's it. "Alright, let's get her some bubbles."

As soon as we got in the main entrance, there was a supply closet right next to us. The bubbles were in there, as was some old wooden tables. "Break up the tables and make a pyre." I told him. Not even two seconds later, we were back outside. I gave the little lady her bubbles, and her whole face lit up, like I had given her the world. She took a couple of steps backward and sat on the ground, digging straight into her bubbles. Okay, I don't think we'll have any trouble from her now.

With a quick nod to Pete, we walked over to the small cells. It took all of two seconds to find which one she's in. Pete ripped off the locks then opened the door. I went in first and she was just curled up in a ball in the corner.

"You can let her see now." I spoke through the door toward Zafrina. She started to stir, but I won't let her feel for her self until we have her near the pyre. Pete walked over and pulled her to her feet by her hair, she just smiled on without a care in the world.

Bitch'll get a wake up call soon enough. He hauled her through the door and over to the unlit pyre. He shoved her to her knees, and I let her feel for herself. Awareness slowly seeped through her confusion. She looked up at me and her fear finally started to show. I couldn't help myself, I started laughing.

She's on death row, and she still knows that is the preferred fate in this scenario.

"Did you think you were safe here in Volterra, Maria? Well, what the Volturi failed to realise. We called dibs first. Your death belongs to us."

Bitch started hissing at me and spat on my boots. "If you didn't smell disgusting, I'd make you lick them clean ya dirty bitch."

"Fuck you." She said, her venom flying everywhere.

"Ew. God woman, have some self respect." I chuckled at her. "Well, Maria. This is it, and I'm not sorry to say, it's going to hurt. A lot."

"You mangy bastards, after everything I've done for you."

Pete and I just shook our heads. If there was one thing that I remember my dad teaching me, it was to never argue with an idiot. You never win.

With a quick nod to my head to Pete and I saw his hand tighten, re-affirming his grip. A small giggle captured my attention, the little lady found something humorous. The joy on her face is very infectious and I found myself smiling. Maria broke the bubble when she started carrying on like a banshee.

Well, back to business. I took out my zippo and lit up the pyre.

"Any last words?" I asked her. I didn't really care, but isn't that what everyone asks. Maybe out of courtesy? I don't know, I'm starting to sound like Pete.

"Go fuck yourself." She spat.

"I'll get right on that." I deadpanned.

A small huff drew my attention to the little lady. Funny little thing that she was, tapped her invisible watch. She wants us to hurry up. I exchanged a quick glance with Pete, and he too was fighting a smile. Maria on the other hand wasn't as happy at her and launched herself at her. There is no way I'm letting Maria lay a single finger on her. As weird as she was, the little lady has already had an affect on me.

We had her dismembered before she could hit the ground running. Pete picked up her head and started whispering her crimes. Just the ones committed against Char, Pete and I, though. It was a long slow process, but I pulled her apart piece by piece. Pete finished her list of crimes against us and has moved to explain in graphic detail, exactly what is going to happen to her in hell. Finishing off her body had taken a weight off, but now it's time for her head. Pete has the honours of doing that. With a lob that any basket-baller would envy, her head plummeted in the centre of her funeral pyre.

Clapping come from the little lady, quirky little thing that she is. She is continuing to enrapture me by the second.

I called out to Zafrina to join us, "we're finished. You can join us now." With a flying leap, she clears the fence line.

"All done then?" With a quick nod in response, she continues on. " What's with the girl?" With a nod toward little lady.

"Well, she's completely unaffected by gifts and she's on death row. Jas thinks she's crazy." Pete shot in.

Zafrina studied her for a bit. "Why exactly do you think she's crazy?"

"Well, she looks too innocent to have caused a raucous, so she has to be on death row for a reason. She has an obvious obsession with bubbles and I don't think she can understand anything we say." I explained.

She quirked her head to the side, further studying her, then starts chuckling. "You dumb bastards. She doesn't speak english for starters and she's just quirky. There's absolutely nothing wrong with her. She looks as though everything happening around her is just water off a ducks back. She just doesn't care. Well, maybe with the exception of her bubbles."

"So… why is she _here_ then?" Pete asked the question that was on the tip of my tongue.

Zafrina's answer made perfect sense. "She's an unknown entity. Aro wouldn't be able to read her. He destroys what he doesn't understand."

Pete and I exchanged a look, then a nod. There is no way in hell I'm going to let her die. I approached her, blocking the sun from her laying form, and offered my hand. She took it.


	3. Chapter 3

**PART III: MY PANTS ARE FULL OF CATS**

They all think I don't understand, but I do. It took all of two hours on the internet to learn, not that I understand _that_ works. I probably never will either. I only go out of my way to do stuff I _want _to do. Going with them, well, that in itself was enough to warrant my interest in the English language. They didn't know how to communicate with me, and I didn't let them. They were more than willing to learn Maltese for me, but I wanted that for myself. To this day they still don't know my origins. Not that it's easy to tell, I lost most of my tan in the change. Very disappointing.

I exhaled into the plastic stick, causing the soap to expand and form a sphere. I _really_ need a new hobby. I have the physics of bubbles down pack, they have become too mundane to hold my interest any further. The bubble floated to the grass at my feet, and popped. With a frustrated growl, I threw the stupid little bottle into the forest. I didn't hear the impact.

A door shutting behind me indicates that I now have company, most probably Jasper to annoy me again. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to him and Peter for getting me out of there, but we are very opposite people. To the point of frustration. He seated himself on the log next to me. One thing the boy does have though, is stamina. He's been very persistent in trying to get to know me. All he has achieved though, is revealing their histories and gifts. Moron. He's lucky I'm not a threat to him, or he'd have been killed by now. But, regardless of my lack of language skills, I guess emotions don't lie. Wait, that's not right either. My shield blocks everything.

"You know, it would be a lot easier if you'd just give me something to go on. I'm starting to question my sanity, talking to myself all the time." I kept my face slackened and stared through him. He sighed and rubbed his hand through his hair. He does that a lot. I still haven't worked out if it's a nervous habit, or a frustrated one. The poor bastard definitely look to be at an odds though. Being a bit lenient wont kill me, I'm fairly certain it will be okay to let him know I went out of my way to learn english so I can talk with them. I just don't want to seem like a push over.

"Grazzi hafna." He should be able to understand that. He speaks Italian, Spanish and French. If he can't figure out that grazzi means thank you, then he needs decapitating.

His gaze slides over to meet mine, and a lazy smile creeps over his face. "You're welcome." Well… the boy has brains. "But, for what?" He asks. What a douche. What does he think I'm thankful for.

"Inti stoptu." I say.

"What does that mean?" He asks.

I look at him, and peruse his face. Genuine curiosity. Fuck it. "It means you're stupid." I deadpan. Shock morphs on his face, which slowly turns to suspicion. I can practically see what he's thinking. "Slow your roll Rambo, I just learnt last week."

"Oh… so, what's your name?"

"It's Bella."

Silence encroached on us. I guess now that he had finally gotten me to break, he isn't interested anymore. I _knew_ I shouldn't have opened my mouth.

"Err… I didn't expect communicating would be this awkward." Jasper… always the Captain of Obvious.

"Yeah, it was kind of more comfortable before… how about twenty questions? It will be way easier, and we wont be able to stand sharing a house. Once it's over though, I need to find a new hobby."

"Okay," he's giving me the look. You know, the one that says 'she's crazy.' "Me first. What country are you from?"

"I'm from Malta. What year were you born?"

"Eighteen-twenty-seven. You genuinely had no idea what we were saying up until a week ago?"

"No I didn't. You do realise that there isn't much for me to ask you because you've already told me everything?"

"Yes, I do. How old are you?"

"I'm twenty-three years old. Don't you know it's rude to ask a woman her age?"

"I do know, but I don't care. How come you've only just learnt English and not before now?"

"Why would I've needed to? As a rule, I don't like people. So I've never needed to. My hobbies keep my mind preoccupied." I didn't bother asking him another question, I know everything basic about him anyway.

"What is it with your hobbies anyway?"

"I'm over one-thousand years old. I'm bored. Very, very bored. "

Char and Pete pulled up right in front of us. "I knew something exciting was going to happen. So we cut our hunt short. So, when did you learn?" Peter was literally bouncing. Char grabbed his shoulders and drove him into the ground, up to his knees. Well, that's one way to keep him still. Peter started pouting at his own misfortune.

"A week ago."

"What's your name?"

"Bella."

"Where are you from?"

"Malta."

"Oh! Are you? I speak a bit of Maltese! Well, only one sentence actually." He claims boisterously. He puffs his chest out and starts. "Il-hobz tiehgi huma shiha ta qtates."

I slackened my face muscles so I don't give anything away. There is no way he actually knew what he said. "I'm sure they are Peter. So, tell me. Who taught you that?"

His grin broadens with pride at my response, "Garrett, a nomad taught me." Say no more. I've met Garrett two or three times over the years, and this definitely has Garrett written all over it.

"Well, we'll catch up with you tomorrow. Come on Peter." Char finally says. She has been perusing Jasper and I since she got here. She grabbed Peter's hand and pulled him out of the ground and started in the direction of their house,

I let out a sigh. "So… " Jasper started. "You're looking for a new hobby eh?" I swivelled my head to face him, his tone was thick with innuendo. Between the shit-eating grin on his face and the hooded eyes, I knew I was going to cave. Guess I found a new hobby to replace my bubbles quicker than I thought.


	4. Chapter 4

**PART IV: BALLS OF STEEL**

The island across the horizon is relatively small. Don't get me wrong, it's big compared to a pirates treasure island, but small in comparison to Africa. Char and I had come from Egypt a week ago, but we had been filling our week with swimming naked. I'd always wanted to swim naked in the Mediterranean, and Char surprised me with this round the world trip.

She and Jasper co-conspired to keep me from knowing, I still haven't worked out how she organised it or got around my gift. This was by far the highlight for me though. The human war that was going on had finished a couple of years ago, so travelling was a lot easier. I think that is why Char wanted to go now, just in case there's another war soon.

Bright sunlight got shattered and fragmented on my skin, so we will have to wait an extra twenty minutes until we will be able to go to the island. I wonder where we are anyway? I suppose it doesn't really matter though, as long as I get fed soon. My throat feels as though it has been blowtorched and then blown up. The salty, smelly water surrounding my naked body is starting to look appetising.

"I'm going to put my clothes on, you should too." Char informed me. _Should I? _I raised my eyebrow at her in challenge. Sh scoffed. "And what if your dinner is an old man or woman. Or even worse, a child?"

My turn to scoff now. "First off, I don't eat kids, it's a waste. Second, who cares if my dinner is old, the heart attack will just save me from snapping their neck." Her left eyebrow raised itself to just below her hairline. One would think that would be impossible, but I suppose we define impossible, so it's a moot point.

With the final ass-crack of the sun disappearing on the horizon, we took off toward the small island. We reached a beach that didn't have civilisation, so we had little to no chance at being seen. The downside though, there isn't a blood bag on the ready. We sped through a small forest and stared out at nothing. There isn't a town near here, so we pushed on.

Finally spotting the glowing lights of a small town on the horizon had me dancing a happy jig, literally. _Finally! _ With a quick nod to Charlotte, we were off, and in two blinks of an eye, we were there. The weird part though, there is no lights, no people, not a heartbeat, not even a firebug. An involuntary shiver ran down my spine. Yeah, I know I'm a vampire, but what the fuck?

"What the fuck?" I whispered, almost silently.

"I… I don't know babe. This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen."

If Char was creeped out by this, then I definitely should be. "What's weird?" A deep, bass voice resounded from behind me.

"Ahhhhhhh… " screaming, has always been a reflex with me. If there was a thought process behind it, I would definitely refrain from doing it. It's not very manly, at all. I'll never say it out loud, but I squeal like a girl.

I spun on my heel to face the person who just scared the crap out of me. He was a vampire, which explains his stealth, and he looked rugged. Unshaven, but without a beard and shoulder length dark brown hair. He had one of his eyebrows raised in question, with a smirk plastered on his face.

"We thought this was a small town, but when we got here, everything has been abandoned. It's just really weird. I'm Charlotte, and this is Peter" Char explained to the stranger with her waving hands.

He nodded his head absently, "Garrett. So… why are you naked?"

Shrugging my shoulders, "Coz I can be. So… do you know where we are?"

"Of course," he replied with a small chuckle. "This is Malta." Never heard of it, but I nodded anyway.

"Well, we're just stopping in for a feed, then we'll be on our way. This place only looks small, we wouldn't want to draw too much attention to ourselves." Char explained. She must be nervous, coz she is a woman of few words and she is on the verge of a full on babble-rant.

"Trust me," he started with a chuckle. "You will stand out anyway. The inhabitants here are mostly short and tan. As you both well know, you are neither. You will stand out, and any murder will be pinned on all of us. It's unavoidable, but we'll just be pinned as foreigners, nothing more."

"Wow," Char looked really intrigued. "So, do they speak Italian here, I wouldn't mind hanging around for a little while, and I'm sure we'll be able to feed elsewhere." Turning her gaze to me, she begged with that look I've never been able to resist.

Answering with a heavy sigh, "fine."

"They don't speak Italian, they speak Maltese. And if you feed here, there is a smaller island off the west coast. You'll be able to hang around there for a couple days before word spreads."

"Sounds awesome. Thank you very much for your help." Well, looks like we've got our next week planned out already.

"S' fine. Do you need anything else? Basic language skills, directions to the closest town? Anything?"

"Oh!" He speaks the language? Awesome! "Yeah, can you teach me how to say 'my balls are solid like steel."

With a smirk, "of course. Repeat after me." I knew he'd be awesome, "il-hobz tiehgi huma shiha ta qtates."

It took me a couple of goes to pronounce it right, but I got it. I wonder if there will ever be a situation in the future where I can use it?

A/N: Thus concludes this strange journey with very little storyline and certainly no moral. But I thank you anyway and hoped you enjoyed the strangeness that is my mind. I have many stories lined up for publication, but want to know how this is perceived. So please do me a solid and let me know what you think of it by reviewing, monosyllables are even accepted… maybe. I apologise if I have managed to offend anyone at all, and I hope you all smiled at least once at the strangeness of this non-story. If you were wondering (doubtful), but the bubble screensaver on Windows is what inspired this story.


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